Travel Budget Memo

Corporate Travel Budget Cuts Memo
TO:  All Employees
FROM:  Vice President Finance and BC*
SUBJECT:  Corporate Travel Budget Cuts
DATE:  Today

Due to rising expenses and budget constraints, the following corporate policies are being implemented immediately for all employees traveling on company business:

Corporate Travel - Transportation:

Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is highly encouraged. Orange safety vests will be provided upon request. Bus service is a reasonable alternative to other higher cost means of travel. Airline tickets will only be authorized in extreme circumstances, and only the lowest fares will be used, regardless of routing or number of stops.

Corporate Travel - Lodging:

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while traveling on company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather. Tents may be used, but should be carefully placed to prevent placement in areas where fees are charged or fines may be possible.

Corporate Travel - Meals:

Meal expenses are cut to the absolute minimum to meet the budget.  It should be noted that some grocery chains often provide free samples of promotional items. Sometimes entire meals may be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also become familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available enroute to their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should seek places offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will be especially cost effective for employees traveling together, as a single plate could be used to feed an entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on company business. Cans of tuna, Spam, Pork-n-Beans, Beef-a-Roni, etc. can be conveniently consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation.

Corporate Travel - Entertainment:

Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged as part of the new Corporate Travel Budget cuts. If such extravagances are required on customer contacts, the customer should be encouraged to "pick up the tab". Such action will save the company money, and will convince the customers that we are concerned about providing a good product, not spending money on useless frivolities.

The hospitality provided to customers who visit our facilities should also be tasteful, yet cost effective. In lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic bench will be provided in the parking lot, next to the dumpster, and a garden hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can be furnished to our guests.

Corporate Travel - Miscellaneous:

All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our team effort to save corporate budget dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money raised during airport layover periods could be used to defray travel costs. Tips can be earned by helping others with their luggage. Also, when in a restaurant don't forget to pick up things like packs of sugar and packaged condiments for our company cafeteria.

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.

BIF (Bob I'll-Get-Back-To-You ForSure)

Prayer: God of all including humor, help us laugh at ourselves and with others in situations that are nothing but laughable.  Help us also to be moral and fair when we submit claims for travel.  AMEN